Written by Louise Sharer
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The 10 to 20 walkers represent a microcosm of a larger grief support group of 135 people affiliated through Hospice House and Support Care of Williamsburg. They walk together up to three times a week in various locations and also meet for book, travel, lunch and dinner clubs.
“The pace of the walkers breaks out naturally—some faster, some slower, perhaps like the grieving process itself—each proceeding along an individual course and timeline. “
Allison DeLaney, bereavement coordinator at Hospice House, and Jean Babb, a dedicated volunteer, started the group in 2009 and have watched it grow from just five people.
“Some prefer a non-traditional setting to deal with their grief,” says DeLaney. “Walking provides movement and a sense of progression. When we are with others on a similar journey, we can find a larger capacity for life. Laughter and tears can happen at the same time. Our unique loss, which may seem no one else can feel, can connect us with others who also feel a unique loss.” Such is the case for Tom Mills, 82, who lost his wife to cancer in 2011.
“Being outdoors and active gives me a spiritual feeling, a sense of contentment,” he says. “The walking group helps me to not feel so alone.” As a cross-country runner since junior high school and a seven-time marathoner, Mills says the walking group provides him with a setting that “feels more natural.” He finds it is easier to share his feelings while doing something that feels intrinsic to who he is.
The pace of the walkers breaks out naturally—some faster, some slower, perhaps like the grieving process itself—each proceeding along an individual course and timeline.
“Grief creeps up on you,” says a woman who lost her husband less than two years ago. “Not long ago I was talking to a man and happened to look down at his shoes. They were wingtips, like my husband’s. The tears came. It just hits you.”
Mills concurs, “Grief being what it is can strike when you least expect it. It can be a song, a scent, a color and the sadness all comes back, but because of the openness of this group, I know I’m not alone; we all experience it.”
“This is ‘natural therapy,’” says Pat Eden, 81, one of the original five members. “The connectedness, the laughing and the friendships keep me coming back. We’re like family. Some people need the comfort of their homes to grieve; I prefer to be with people and to be active.
“I was never an athletic achiever; always the last one to be picked on a team,” Eden says, “but in 2007, I signed up to walk in a 5K race and I won in my age category. I couldn’t have been more proud. I’ve been bragging ever since.” As with Mills, this walking group seems “a natural extension” of who she is.
“The greatest gift of this group is to be a part of something,” says Eden. “I like that it is a mixed group of men and women, the diversity is good with ages ranging from 50 to nearly 90. I’m active and independent, who can ask for more than that? Life is wonderful.”
As the walk draws to a close, one participant comments, “Grief can be much like this blustery morning. It makes me feel like I want to pull the covers over my head and spend the day in bed, but this group gets me up and out of my solitude, it really has saved my life.”
Walking is not a requirement to join the bereavement group. Some members, unable to do so, still enjoy the social activities. Additional information can be obtained by calling Allison DeLaney at (757) 206-1177 or at Walkinggroup.wildapricot.org.
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