While the holidays can be great fun with social events, dinners, and office parties, this time of year can also be difficult for those who may be shy or suffer from social anxiety. But there are ways to overcome these feelings and better enjoy such social occasions.
Amanda Deverich, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Williamsburg Counseling in Williamsburg, Va., encourages those who may feel awkward in social situations to accept any invitations despite how they feel.
“To overcome social anxiety, you must expose yourself,” Deverich shares. “The more you avoid, the more entrenched your anxiety becomes. Select only events you are genuinely interested in attending. Perhaps there will be good entertainment, people you enjoy, or an opportunity you would like to take.”
Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci, director of the Indiana University Southeast Shyness Research Institute and Fellow of the American Psychological Association, agrees.
“The first step in preparing to attend such an event is to think about what you are going to say when speaking with others,” Carducci suggests. “It would be a good idea to search for specific topics related to the interest of those attending the event or to the theme of the event. To help build self-confidence, individuals should also practice talking about these topics with friends, family members, or co-workers.”
It isn’t necessary to stay long at an event as long as you make an appearance. If you have troubles striking up a conversation, Deverich recommends offering to help the hostess with any party needs.
“Give yourself a role to play and a script to turn to at the party,” she says. “It is easy to get by at a party getting others to talk about themselves. Be sure the host or hostess sees you, say hello to close friends, and set a goal to meet at least one person. At all times, remind yourself that no one is judging you as hard as you are judging yourself.”
Those with social anxiety tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations, especially around people they don’t know. They may feel that others are scrutinizing or criticizing them, so they try their best to leave or avoid social occasions.
As these feelings arise, Dr. Linda Sapadin, a psychologist from Long Island, New York who specializes in helping people overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior, particularly debilitating fear and chronic procrastination, suggests calming yourself by breathing slowly and reminding yourself that everything will work out.
“Accept your social anxiety as a part of you but something that is not so terrible,” Sapadin states. “Instead of being unforgiving about your faults, think about yourself as one who is slow to warm up to new people and new situations. Give yourself time to adjust to whatever makes you feel uncomfortable instead of expecting yourself to be comfortable right away.”
Thinking positively, seeking support from friends and family, and remembering that the holidays are about having fun and enjoying those around you are key.
“Once you get past the initial fear, your anxiety will probably taper off,” Sapadin says. “Be aware that life requires risk. You do not need to take giant risks; small ones are fine. Taking a risk, despite feeling uncomfortable, is the way to go and the way to grow.”