If there’s one thing to agree on these days, it’s this — the last thing the world needs is more heartache. In a rapidly changing, task-oriented society, we’ve created quick solutions that enable us to maintain our crazed lives while simultaneously dismissing their long-term impact. However, there’s one solution in particular that gut punches me whenever I think about it — dating apps.
Hear me out. There’s nothing wrong with dating apps — 20% of currently committed relationships happened this way. Truly, there’s immense good that comes from these platforms. What could be better than having bottomless love prospects at your fingertips? There’s nothing more hopeful than seeing the abundance of potential partners out there. Still, there’s a looming shadow infiltrating the playful and exciting online dating mystique. The thing that makes dating apps successful is exactly what makes them a collective health risk.
Dating Apps Make Connection Convenient
Think about it. Love’s the greatest cosmic force on this planet. As such, it’s not meant to be made convenient — to be made into anything. Dating apps have created a hip, revolutionary, yet costly paradigm shift. Instead of allowing divine orchestration, we’re doing the orchestrating. As a result, this life hack has the potential to cause the greatest mass heartbreak of all time.
Think about the internal monologue that occurs during your epic in-the-zone swiping sprees. On average, how many times do you find yourself swiping in the yes direction compared to the no? Further, among those times, how often do you find yourself narrating your experience? No, no, no, absolutely not, no. Woof.
The Impact
Even if you have a 50/50 yes/no ratio, what does that do to your once-optimistic hope for love? We’ve made love into a game of chance — or darts. Consciously or not, the impact of pursuing swipe-crossed lovers includes lowered expectations, decreased heart-openness and an underlying grief around a perceived lack of — or impossibility for — love. Could this match-making experience obliterate the belief that we’ll find someone someday?
As stated in the Law of Attraction teachings of Abraham Hicks, “That which is like unto itself is drawn.” In other words, anyone who finds themselves wary of this generational phenomenon is not only creating a path of resistance to love but is also guaranteed to attract others who feel the same. It’s a boomerang effect — you get what you give. Simply put, unless you’re gung-ho about dating apps, perhaps it’s best to opt-out. It’s like the phrase, “your not knowing is your knowing.” Being unsure, indifferent, or actively resistant to something holds negative vibration — ultimately influencing our reality. For those who continue to live in Swipe-City, more power to you. I’m an on again, off again resident as well, meeting eclectic, flaky, devoted, unpredictable, hope-less and hope-full folk along the way.
The Truth About Dating-App Dates
How many of you swipe enthusiasts have spent dates rehashing your outrageous dating app experiences? How’s your dating-app journey been? Hit-or-miss? Crazy making? Ghost-laden? Catfishy? Wow…me too! We have so much in common! And you’ll laugh and laugh ‘til the cows come home — or at least until your phone dies. These interactions stir the single’s cauldron, now co-authoring the tale of unlikely love. Of course, it’s natural to bond with someone over commonalities. That said, if the thing that unifies you is dating app don’ts, how likely is it that this person’s your forever person? Is the spark based on living in the present or sharing stories of the past?
Okay — I hear the backlashing minds defending their experiences because dating apps aren’t meant for finding your true love, right? Sure, but keep in mind — many genuinely are — and with the happy couples to prove it. The problem doesn’t lie in the use of dating apps but in disengaging with the spontaneous, magical, organic and synchronistic happenings, too.
Dating App Discernment
There is hope yet! Abraham Hicks says, “Knowing what you don’t want means knowing what you do want.” Dating apps can help you identify your types, tastes and relationship preferences. Knowing your “no” means knowing your “yes” — even in stages of complexity and confusion. Dating app experiences are unique, personal and therefore, quite valuable. If nothing else, they help folks explore what they’re looking for in the interim. Still, these self-explorations happening alone and behind screens for countless hours without support, witnessing or validation can become a dangerous and unconscious self-isolating tool.
I mean, aren’t you curious? When you finally meet someone after weeks, months or years of random lapses in messaging — why now? Perhaps it’s this crapshoot game we’ve created where dates are more the exception than the rule which in turn glorifies those who actually do follow through. Depending upon your goals, never knowing where the other person is in their process can be either terrifying or terrific. At the end of the day, it’s up to us to navigate these rocky waters while acknowledging the greater, simultaneous impact.
There’s trouble in cyber-paradise, people. As relationship expert and therapist Esther Perel articulates, “I no longer have a choice between John and James in the village. I have a choice between a thousand people at my fingertips. I have more freedom than I ever had and fewer guidelines. Great freedom means great consequence.” As a result of tampering with love’s healing frequency, is humanity’s wellness at stake? We’ve rigged this game by taking matters of the heart into our own hands and willingly opened ourselves to everything the world has to offer — not just the boy next door and certainly without the filter of family, friends and colleagues who have our best interests at heart.
So Take Care of Your Heart Space.
What happens if we continue this frenzied framework around love (or for some, a confirmation of self-worth)? Our hearts will get sick — lovesick. All epic love stories end in death caused by heartbreak, so try not to break your own heart — love yourself first. Does online dating prompt a modern-day health crisis in which a collective hopelessness breeds levels of hurt and heart-closure that humans aren’t equipped to remedy alone? We must work to protect our hearts while taking healthy chances and at the same time, nurture or reclaim our hope for love. Wherever you are in the swiping-sphere, may you go forth with intentionality, safety and gentleness with love abounding.