Many girls want to be thinner—that’s a well-known source of stress, unhealthy behaviors and parental concern.
Boys get much less attention. But research increasingly shows they may be just as anxious about how they compare to “ideal” men, generally the strapping athletes and superheroes they see on television and in movies, video games and toy stores.
Instead of wanting to be smaller and thinking they’re heavier than they actually are, boys often yearn to be bigger and misperceive themselves as too skinny.
“There’s a cultural belief that guys should be big and muscular,” says Dr. Will Courtenay, a psychotherapist in Oakland, California, and author of “Dying to be Men”, a collection of research on men’s health. “They are feeling increasingly inadequate physically. They’re also more likely to experience stress, poor self-esteem and doubts about how masculine they are.”
One- to two-thirds of teenage boys are trying to gain weight, while one in four normal-weight men thinks he’s underweight, Courtenay says. Boys with a poor body image are more likely to suffer from symptoms of depression into adulthood and, especially if they are bullied, turn to anabolic steroids.
Fighting stereotypes of masculinity is very difficult, says Betsy Mitchem, Health & Well-being Coordinator with the R.F. Wilkinson Family YMCA in Williamsburg, Virginia. Take professional athletes: boys notice not only their muscles but also their money, clothes, cars, fans and girls. Boys who aren’t interested in traditional sports, meanwhile, can find themselves labeled as “wimpy” and “nerdy”.
“Boys are facing these non-stop images of ‘perfection’ just like girls, but hardly anyone talks about it,” Mitchem says. “In fact, the more recent focus on women being healthy and fit—not skinny or any particular weight—hasn’t been applied to the male population.”
Emphasizing health and sportsmanship rather than a specific look or win-at-all-costs mentality can help, whether in team sports or active alternatives such as martial arts. Parents also can point out real-life role models with “imperfect” bodies.
“Find somebody they look up to, somebody who is happy and healthy,” Mitchem says. “Are they built like Kobe Bryant? Probably not.”
Like girls, boys need to hear that people with the physique they want often aren’t entirely real, and that companies are profiting off their insecurities. “Don’t buy into attaining the impossibly handsome and muscular bodies, many of which were manufactured, either digitally or with drugs,” Courtenay says. “Avoid ‘black and white’ thinking. The vast majority of people don’t have either perfect bodies nor awful bodies, so chances are you don’t either.”
And boys that are convinced they’ll get more girls with a buff build should reconsider, he adds: “The body women like is about 15 to 20 pounds less muscular than what men think women like.”
Slender boys who want to gain natural strength can boost their calorie intake with a mix of healthy proteins, fats and carbohydrates, Mitchem says. “The common fallacy is to just add protein,” she says. “You don’t just have half a chicken; you have a salad with it. And you can make small changes like going from skim to 1 percent milk.”
Boys also can start strength training, so long as they’re cautious about heavy weights while they’re still growing. Pushups, squats, lunges and resistance bands are good options, as are sessions with a trainer or gym classes geared toward kids or teenagers.
Finally, boys who are slower to hit puberty should be aware they’re almost always within a normal range, Mitchem says. “It will happen,” she says. “It’s natural for them to compare themselves to their friends. You just don’t want it to become an obsession.”