Programs Use Positive Approach to Stop Bullying
Waymon Lewis carries a file folder with bad news in it. Inside, are printouts of news stories about kids who’ve committed suicide because of bullying; stories from around the world featuring kids as young as 8 years old. The kids in Lewis’ Exet program know what this folder is for—it’s a reminder that bullying has serious consequences and that those kids saw no other way out.But there’s a reason the program is called Exet—Lewis is trying to provide another way; a positive one that builds kids up. It’s part of a movement in anti-bullying methods that doesn’t try to fight fire with fire, but builds a culture where that spark never ignites. Instead of punishing bullies, it emphasizes creating a culture where empathy and kindness are the norm, and the people who are mean or intimidating are oddities.
The kids in the Exet program look at the news stories with reverence and sadness, but also with a bit of anger that fuels their mission: to stop the cycle of bullying. They want to prevent the pain of being bullied and they work together to support each other. The kids clearly believe that positivity is more effective. “A negative plus a negative doesn’t equal a positive!” says Alexa McGee, age 16.
Writing and performing positive songs is one of the group’s activities and students have created several YouTube videos, with titles like “Dream” and “Believe in You.”
“Don’t be a bystander, be an upstander. That means don’t be someone who witnesses something and doesn’t do anything—intervene and help,” says Sebastian Daniels, age 15. “Number one, start being nice. Don’t pick on people because they have different opinions, they like different things, or they are different from you….Live different, be different, be original,” he says.
Virginia Commonwealth University professor Catherine Moffett trains schools on an anti-bullying method called the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program. It is a comprehensive violence and bullying prevention program with an emphasis on recognizing kindness in the classroom.
“Each day, the teacher can ask, ‘How many of you saw someone being kind to someone else?’ They nominate each other and recognize good behavior. They know the teacher is looking for kind acts, so they do kind acts,” she says.
The format for the Olweus method is class meetings where the teacher and students meet briefly every day in a circle to talk about how the class is acting. “Teachers will tell you…after they have been doing class meetings on a regular basis, they have the kindest class. If someone is upset, everyone gathers around to see what they can do to help. It creates a climate with rewards for doing positive things,” Moffett adds.
If bullying behaviors do occur, students are more aware and know what to do. Lewis helps students build up their own self-acceptance so they can address someone trying to bully them. He gives homework assignments where students have to write about what they like about themselves.
“It’s easy to pick on people who don’t like themselves. Bullies are often on a fishing expedition to push the button that hurts, whether it’s weight, race or another kind of difference,” he says.
In his classes, which start at kindergarten and run until high school, Lewis works to build kids up and give them practical tools, like what to say if someone tries to bully them. He also addresses how to stick together and build support among peers at school.
“Be a leader. When someone hurts someone and you laugh, you give the bully power. So break the norm. Don’t laugh,” Lewis advises his students.
The Exet classes often role-play real life scenarios. Lewis and the students can be direct, but they have to be positive and not try to “out-mean” the bully.
Despite the emphasis on teachers and schools needing to do more bullying prevention, experts like Moffett, Lewis and Turner say that positive peer pressure is highly effective.
“Kids say, ‘Don’t treat my friend like that.’ Kids want their peers to think well of them and they want respect. But a culture change states, ‘That’s not how you get power here.’ So you see that the power structure is people who act kindly, get respect and get rewarded,” says Moffett.
D.J. Montague Elementary School in Williamsburg, Va., adopted a program called Actively Caring for People. The program, developed at Virginia Tech, began in the spring with a six-week pilot program. Students took a survey at the beginning and end of the program about how safe they feel and if they’ve seen or experienced any bullying behavior at school.
“The entire school is working towards adhering to the motto of ‘a safe, caring, learning place’–and that they are all responsible for that. It is the responsibility of the tall and the small to keep D.J. [Montague] safe, caring and learning,” Principal Lynn Turner says.
Students can submit a story about kindness or caring each day, and at the class meeting, they select three stories to discuss or feature. This instructional opportunity emphasizes examples of honesty, cooperation and compassion; for example, asking a student “How did you feel after you fell down? How did you feel when your classmate walked you to the school nurse?”
The teacher picks one story for the day, and the three “heroes” involved—the person who was helped, the helper and the person who nominated the story. Green AC4P bracelets are given out, but they are not to collect, they are to pass on, just like acts of kindness. Turner says that the recognition raises awareness of the responsible bystander and that students need to look outside themselves. The school culture expects caring.
“We are striving to recognize good qualities in others, with a culture of empathy, of actively caring. We want students to recognize someone in need, whether they spilled their water, broke their pencil or they are sad about something else,” Turner says. This extends to more serious family situations, such as a family military deployment.
Those working with students say that most kids are not bullying or being bullied very frequently, but that anyone is capable of bullying behaviors. The definition, repeated behaviors designed to steal or diminish someone else’s power, broadens the traditional concept of what a bully is. “Anyone is capable of being a bully at any time…even adults,” Lewis says.
Moffett says that it’s important to know that bullying is not just conflict or criticism. “Bullying is a planned activity, designed to get power. If they get it, they will continue the bullying. If the kids are aware of how you should be treating people, and aware of what bullying is, they will stand up for each other,” she says.
Each of these programs emphasizes the importance of caring about other people and the necessary vigilance to identify bullying behaviors. They may be on to a way of making bullying seem peculiar, while making kindness the expected way we interact.
“I’d love to live in a world where people looked at bullying like, ‘What are you doing?’” says Daniels, whose mantra is: “Let’s stop the next generation of bullies.”