Recently, I found myself having to be in multiple places at the same time. I had a meeting at the same time I needed to pick up my daughter from play rehearsal across town. Then, I had to get her to ballet while at the same time getting my son to soccer practice.
Because of my husband’s work schedule, it usually falls on me to shuttle the kids to most of the after-school activities. And they get increasingly busy as they get older. Asking them to opt out of the activities they enjoy so much isn’t an option.
So, what to do? Considering I can’t clone myself, it was time to call in the tribe.
Who’s the tribe? Quite simply, they are the people in my life who I can call on to help when I need it. I managed to find someone to bring my daughter home from her rehearsal and another “tribe member” to take her to ballet, leaving me able to get to my meeting and then take my son to soccer practice. After that, I picked up my daughter and her friend — whose mom helped me earlier — from ballet and brought them home.
Increasingly, in our highly digital world, we hide away in our homes and behind computers and talk instead on social media and by text. Human interaction isn’t as it once was. It’s far different than ancient times, when women shared care of their babies, gathered food and cooked together. But now, all too often, I think we’re afraid to ask for help.
Parents, especially women, I believe, need that tribe of other women around them. We need those friendships and someone (or many someones) on whom to depend. And it’s not just a matter of carpooling or offering to watch a kid for a few hours — it’s having someone for moral support, for that emotional backup that sometimes, only a girlfriend can give. Studies have shown that female friendships have a bigger impact on our physical and psychological wellbeing than even family relationships provide. Proximity doesn’t always matter, either. Part of my tribe is a group of women I met on an online parenting board 14 years ago.
For this issue, I had the pleasure of interviewing opera singer Charity Sunshine Tillemann-Dick, who is scheduled to sing at the Chrysler Museum in Norfolk on May 10th. Charity had not just one double-lung transplant, but two — she also successfully battled skin cancer. Through it all, she’s kept singing, and perhaps more importantly, kept her truly sunny disposition and upbeat attitude. When we spoke on the phone, Charity told me she was raised with a sort of “buck-up” mentality, but recently, came to realize that it’s okay to ask for help. That doing so can not only save our lives, but perhaps put us in a better position to help ourselves as well as those who depend on us.
When my kids were younger, I joined a playgroup to be around other moms — to learn from them, grow with them … sometimes, just to be with them. This tribe has changed some over the years — friends have moved, some have drifted away, others have stepped into different roles that better fit into my always changing life. But more and more, especially lately, I find myself leaning on my tribe. And I’m learning there is no shame in asking for help.