If you are expecting a “what to do when sheltering in place” article ― this isn’t it. It’s also not a negation of the pain and suffering the victims and families of this pandemic have faced ― I am truly sorry for the loss of loved ones. This is a confession. I am going to preface this by an embarrassingly true statement
― I know I’m being selfish. In fact, I realize the following words are a declaration of my desire to have the world in the midst of COVID-19 to myself ―
the way it was when most of the world was afraid to go outside into their instantly virus-infested community. When the grocery stores were scant with customers and the roads were near empty. When those of us venturing outside were the bold meanderers ― the bicyclists and the joggers, the ones enjoying more of what we naturally enjoyed before this all went down: fresh air, peace, quiet and solitude.
Prior to lock-down, my boyfriend and I enjoyed photographing nature in the state parks with barely another car in the parking lot. Now, our favorite go-to is experiencing a boom in attendance and income. I’m glad for them, and I’m genuinely pleased to see others also enjoying the beauty around us. But if I were to be truly honest, I mourn the loss of our alone time with the slow-flowing estuaries and soaring eagles above. I am fully aware that this makes me sound like a nature-grubbing, anti-social, fitness freak.
But you see, I am far from that. I have only come to truly value and enjoy those things as a result of our dearly mandated shutdown. You see, in my pre-COVID life, I tended to only run when chased, go out when the weeds needed pulling or engage with others as was necessary during family, friends or work-related occasions. The fact is, I actually do love people. I work with clients daily helping guide and support them through trauma and loss.
However, in my most recent partnership with an unprecedentedly gorgeous spring, I have been able to spend the day working from home outdoors, fit a run in midday, plant veggies on a Tuesday afternoon and enjoy the breeze while watching the sun set as it disappears over the horizon and a campfire rages out back. I now run (intentionally) and bike four miles to the grocery store for milk. I’ve grown to love spending most of my time outdoors and the opportunity to see if my boyfriend and I can weather each other 24/7 and what that actually looks like.
Finding Reasons to be Thankful
So thank you, COVID-19, for giving me the opportunity to appreciate the things I have for too long overlooked and not made an intentional focus in my life. I didn’t take the time ― or if I did, it wasn’t for long enough due to being suffocated in between the items on my to-do list. The things I longed for more of, but somehow skirted past without a single thought until I missed it and it was too far from my grasp. Time is not our friend.
Thanks to COVID-19, I can see that the sky is bluer, the dinners shared between friends more delicious and my time with loved ones richer and more meaningful. And because I have experienced these precious things without the clutter, hustle and bustle of a normal community’s daily maneuvers, please forgive me for wanting it to last just a little longer, this peace of mine.
So, as I write these thoughts, I am secretly hoping you really do understand what I’m saying and find, for yourself, the hidden gift and insight this time has afforded all of us.