Taking care of business…and our co-workers in need
Heather McLaughlin, a business development executive, spends a lot of time building relationships. So, when she hears a co-worker, colleague or client is facing a serious health issue, she automatically wants to reach out. “I want to tell them that I care and am thinking about them, without being intrusive,” she says.
We spend more time at work than we do with our families—often eight hours a day—so it’s no wonder that what affects our workplace and co-workers affects us a great deal. But while you might jump in and help a family member during a health crisis, knowing what to do when a health issue affects your “work family” can be more challenging. What’s the “right thing” to do in these situations?
McLaughlin usually mails a personal note on a card. “I’m not expecting a response. I want to let them know my thoughts are with them, without forcing communication. I feel like I can’t just do nothing,” she says.
There are typically two ways that people handle a serious diagnosis: they either notify their co-workers or they disappear. It can take some time for the person to share the news, though, and licensed counselor Don Martin from Optima Employee Assistance Program offers some tips for when that happens. He says that how you find out about the situation is of utmost importance. “If someone shares their news with you, thank them for communicating it and for letting you into their circle. But next, ask if they are telling everyone or if they are letting you into their support group. There may be a boundary in talking to other people about it,” Martin says.
Martin says the next step is offering support, carefully. Rather than telling the person who is having a health crisis to “relax” or take time off, see what you can do to help them with their work. If they didn’t need to be there or didn’t want to be there, they most likely wouldn’t be. If you want to help, Martin suggests talking to a supervisor about picking up work or taking on a couple of tasks.
In September 2011, Priscilla Caldwell, the former executive director of the Williamsburg Hotel Motel Association, disclosed her diagnosis of breast cancer. Shortly after her diagnosis, she talked to her board president, and they created a plan to communicate her status. She was in the unique situation to share it publicly and thoroughly by announcing it at the annual meeting of her organization.
“Early on, I asked each of my doctors and nurses whether I could keep working and every one of them responded that, ‘yes, you very well could possibly keep working.’” And since she had no extended family nearby, it was Caldwell’s professional community that came together to create a network of support for her, her husband and their two young sons.
“This provided an opportunity for our tourism community to come together and take care of one of their own. Dozens of supporters helped our family and I will forever be grateful. Honestly, words cannot adequately describe how much they have done for me or how I feel for them,” Caldwell says.
Robin Carson, the general manager of Kingsmill Resort, worked on the Williamsburg Area Destination Marketing Committee with Caldwell, and spearheaded communications about supporting the Caldwell family. Carson had experience with serious health challenges of her colleagues and friends in the past. “What is important to [ask] is, ‘What service can you provide that will truly help them?’ You need to take a minute and assess what are their greatest issues and what you can do that no one else is already doing,” she says.
Carson says that when she listened to Priscilla, she heard that she wanted her two young boys to have as normal a life as possible while she was in treatment. Carson organized a meal train that lasted for months and kept others informed about what was needed. “I authored a Caring Bridge website for Priscilla’s friends. Keeping others up-to-date on your colleague’s progress takes a huge burden off of them and their family members. These are simple things, but hopefully they helped to ease her anxiety,” Carson says.
Today, as Caldwell continues her treatment, and tries to focus on the positive, she is grateful for the relationships built and strengthened through her treatment.
Another situation where a work community can come together and support one of their own happened at Monarch Women’s Wellness in Chesapeake in May 2012. Billing manager Tessa Fly’s son Parker, age 12, had catastrophic liver failure. When she found out her son needed a transplant, her co-workers rallied around her. “Here at Monarch we are like family. When I returned to work after his first visit to the emergency room, I explained to everyone what was going on with Parker,” Fly says.
“There was no question in our minds that Tessa needed to be with her family at such an important time. We had to support Tessa and her family just as we would our own,” says one of the practice owners, Dr. Rebecca Thibodeau.
Fly says that she truly appreciated the support of her co-workers. “My bosses have been extraordinary! They have helped organize fundraisers, started the ‘Prayers for Parker’ Facebook page, and attended the fundraisers. This helped a lot with all the medical expenses.”
When the Fly family found out that Georgetown University Hospital had a matching liver for Parker, everyone at Monarch rejoiced. The Fly family stayed at Georgetown for six weeks as Parker recovered, and Monarch made it possible for Fly to work from there. “They set me up with a laptop and wireless Internet so I could remote in to our office,” she says.
Thibodeau says one of the side effects of a crisis like this is improved employee morale. “When people work together so closely, it’s helpful to feel as though you work with your family. It gives everyone a sense of unity and support. Everyone banded together, wearing Prayers for Parker buttons, going to fundraisers and rejoicing in Parker’s triumph over adversity. It brought the Monarch family closer together,” she says.
But Thibodeau says it’s important to remember that the care of someone with a transplant is an ongoing process. “Tessa will have many trips to the doctor, both locally and in Washington. Monarch will always encourage her to keep her family’s health and wellness as her number one priority. She should never miss a moment with them because of her job,” she says.
Fly appreciates that support. “Knowing that my job is secure is the big difference from my work as opposed to family and friends. I give thanks to my bosses for that. It is one less thing I have to stress over,” Fly says.
He received much support from patients, who sent cards and pictures to the office for him, and friends brought meals to his family. There was an amazing outpouring from the community at large,” he says.
After a “miraculous recovery,” Dr. Dan Via is walking slowly on his own now, using a cane only in unfamiliar settings.
As part of a medical practice, his partners covered for him until he returned to seeing patients six months later. “There were paperwork and charts I hadn’t finished, so my colleagues helped. I got lots of support from family friends and work.”
Happily, the paralysis was not permanent, and he has since returned to a reduced work schedule at his practice. He is currently working his way up to a full schedule, including rounds at the hospital.
After a “miraculous recovery,” Via is walking slowly on his own now, using a cane only in unfamiliar settings. He is trying to take it slow. He knows that in a busy practice, not being at full staff can be stressful. “I’m keenly aware of that, and I have to realistically balance what I can safely do with knowledge that I want to get back to things as soon as possible. Especially in a medical practice, we can’t do things unsafe for patient care. I don’t want to push too hard or go back too soon or wear myself out,” he says.
Besides meals and the support of his colleagues, Via says that another helpful offer was that a neighbor offered to send out a weekly email on how he was doing. He
says that was helpful and made him feel supported.
Via says that when in doubt, it’s best to reach out. “People don’t communicate or send a card because they feel like they might be imposing or uncomfortable or in the way. Having been there, I think that any sort of contact in that situation is positive in my opinion. You feel that as a source of support rather than a lack of,” he says.
When someone is seriously ill, communication is key. Ask what they need, and offer specific help. If you can help cover their work or care for them outside of the office, commit to doing that. Martin says to make sure you see through the disease or situation to the person who is your co-worker or colleague. It’s also important to remember that your co-workers are people with the same challenges we all face, so support them, communicate with them and build stronger relationships. You may be able to help them while they focus on their health or the health of their loved one.